Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
