Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
