Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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