By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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