I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
