i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This baby is an asshole
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
