It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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