Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
