I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
