his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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