When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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