You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
