I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
