I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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