Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
