but the lizard people decide everything anyway
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
