can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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