lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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