I need help removing her.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
