I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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