Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
