New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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