yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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