It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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