i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
