He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
