For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
