I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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