Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
