he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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