I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
