today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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