worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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