Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
