Just cropdusted the office
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
