There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
