Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
