so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
