So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
