Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
