Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
