I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
