do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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