Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
