Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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