Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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