i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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