i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
