i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
