oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
