I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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