i think i have two assholes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
