i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
